It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
