let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
