he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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