if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize