She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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