Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
