I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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