I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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