apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
