I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
