You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize