no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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