The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
