I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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