I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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