If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
