You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
