I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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