hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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