$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Pants are for mortals
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize