You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
