when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
