Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
