The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
