I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
