i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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