Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
