i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
