Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
