Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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