My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
