She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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