Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
