i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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