We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize