final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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