I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
