it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
