Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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