WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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