Even the bartender felt bad for me
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
