trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
time to smoke my breakfast
the day after is always just damage control
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
