Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
