I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
