It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
