MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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