Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
