Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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