this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
