xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
