well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
