Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
