I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
