Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
