You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
