wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
