Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
