did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
