I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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