So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
