Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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