You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
