remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i was born a porn star she said
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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