Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
