I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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