erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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