Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
