apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
