Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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